Hi guys,
So lately, people've been telling me that they are doing so bad in certain classes that they want to... die.
It might sound like they are taking it to the extreme - wanting to die just because of a B or C in a class.
I, however, know that feeling, pretty well.
I've been doing bad in my classes lately; especially Chemistry, a low C.
It's not like I don't do any work or study. I studied for a few hours for today's test. Guess what I got?
+8/30... Yep. I failed two tests in a row, failed as in D/F.
I remember back in my sophomore and freshmen year, "failing" was a B or anything not perfect.
Now? Junior year? Failing IS failing.
During times like this, all I can feel is disappointment.
I start to question myself, my abilities, school, education, purpose of life - why study?
I asked myself, "What is wrong with me? Am I slacking off or am I just not smart enough?"
I hate this question because it makes me realize how unfocused and lazy I've been. I want to change/ improve, but it is not easy.
This question also makes me feel like the dumbest person ever - "Am I that dumb that I am failing these tests? Why arent I getting these questions right? Why am I so stupid..."
I was talking to a friend today and he told me he felt devastated when he wanst ranked top 3 in his class.
I know how that feels because I was once like that too.
Now? I've lowered my standards. It's so low that I would be pleased to get just a C in AP Chem.
Lowering it this much is not going to be beneficial to myself because I am not aiming for a high goal.
But lowering it this much will make me feel better - It would be easier to please myself.
Oh dang,
Can we just get high school over with.
